Firstly, it’s important to move away from thinking of people-pleasing as just a fixed personality trait or ‘ just the way you are’. Instead, we should see it for what it truly is: a coping strategy.

People-pleasing is an ingenious coping mechanism that you likely developed in childhood to help meet certain needs or to protect yourself from perceived threats.

Here are 3 key reasons why you may have developed this coping strategy

If you’re asking yourself, ‘why can’t I stop people-pleasing?’ It’s because unfortunately, it's not easy! People-pleasing often stems from deeper issues which is why I encourage people-pleasers to engage in a therapy approach focused on addressing the root cause rather than teaching you ways to 'manage' how it feels. But, if accessing therapy isn’t possible, here are 6 ways to work towards stopping people-pleasing

It can be difficult to recognise when you might benefit from therapy, particularly if you’re someone who tends to prioritise others' needs over your own! This challenge is compounded by the common misconception things must be ‘bad enough’ before seeking support. In reality, therapy is most effective before a crisis hits, when you’re more capable of fully engaging in the process. Here are 10 signs that indicate therapy would be helpful.

Do you find yourself giving more to others than you get back, avoiding confrontation at all costs, or changing your personality to fit in? If so, you might be engaging in the fawn response. Understanding the fawn response can help you address the root cause of your people-pleasing tendencies and enable you to break free from the associated anxiety and low self-esteem, and embrace your authentic self

If you are someone who tends to put others before yourself, you might be so preoccupied with how they feel that you aren’t as in tune with your own feelings.

You are so used to suppressing and masking your emotions that it’s easy to overlook your own anxiety.

Here are 10 signs you can look out for to see if you are more anxious than you initially realise!

How do you know if you’re a people-pleaser?

Identifying if you are a people-pleaser involves reflecting on your thoughts, feelings and patterns of behaviour. Practice noticing how you tend to respond and feel in certain situations, and you will be able to recognise if you are consistently putting others' needs before your own and have become caught in an unhelpful people-pleasing trap. See if you can relate to these common signs:

For most of my life, I carried an inflated sense of responsibility for others and found myself trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but it was as if my self-worth hinged on my ability to cater to everyone else’s needs and gain their approval. I was starting to feel resentful. I knew something had to change.