How Do You Know If You Need Therapy?
As someone who has both professional and personal experience of therapy, I’m a firm believer therapy can be helpful for anyone and it’s so helpful to increase our insight, understand what makes us tick or feel triggered and soooo beneficial to our general sense of wellbeing and how we navigate life and relationships.
However, if you don’t have that prior experience it can be difficult to recognise when you might benefit from therapy, particularly if you’re someone who tends to prioritise others' needs over your own!
This challenge is compounded by the common misconception that things must be ‘bad enough’ before seeking support.
In reality, therapy is often most effective before a crisis hits, when you’re more capable of fully engaging in the process.
Here are 10 signs that indicate therapy would be helpful
1. Constant Anxiety and Overwhelm
If you constantly feel anxious, especially about how others perceive you, or if you're frequently overwhelmed by the demands of others, it’s a sign that you're neglecting your own emotional needs. This kind of anxiety often stems from a fear of disappointing others or being seen as inadequate.
2. Saying ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’
People-pleasers often struggle with saying ‘no’ leading to overcommitment and burnout. If you find it hard to set boundaries or feel guilty when you do, therapy can help you explore why you feel responsible for others' happiness and teach you healthier ways to relate to people.
3. Resentment
You’re always giving more than you get in return, and it’s hard not to notice. You probably feel resentful at times, and then guilty for feeling that way. This is a common sign for people-pleasers—giving more than you have the capacity for, which affects how you feel about the people around you. Therapy can help you explore the roots of this resentment and guide you towards more balanced relationships.
4. Low Self-Worth
As a people-pleaser, it’s common to find your self-worth tied to others' approval. When you get that approval, it feels amazing, but without it, you’re often left feeling inadequate and full of self-doubt. This can be especially damaging because it traps you in a cycle of constantly seeking validation from others. You might notice this in how you use social media or in the reasons behind why you do certain things—more for approval than for your own enjoyment. Therapy can help you build self-esteem rooted in your own values, rather than relying on others' opinions.
5. Avoidance of Confrontation
Are you walking on eggshells most of the time, avoiding potential conflict, and sacrificing your own needs and wants just to keep the peace? If you find yourself dodging difficult conversations or compromising too much to avoid disagreement, this is a sign that therapy could be helpful. It can support you in learning how to assert yourself while addressing the root cause of your fear of confrontation.
6. Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout
Constantly putting others' needs above your own is emotionally and physically draining! It often leads to feeling run-down, making you more susceptible to illness and eventually burnout. If you’re feeling drained, unmotivated, or detached, therapy can help you restore your emotional energy and reconnect with yourself.
7. Struggling with Guilt and Shame
On the rare occasion you get some ‘me’ time, what do you notice? Are you able to switch off, rest, and relax, or does it feel wrong? If you’re a people-pleaser, you might feel like you should always be doing something. Feeling guilty for taking time for yourself or for not meeting others' expectations can be overwhelming. Therapy can help you unpack these feelings and understand why you might be carrying guilt that doesn’t belong to you.
8. A Lack of Authenticity
If you feel like you’re living a life based on others' expectations rather than your own desires, it’s easy to end up feeling dissatisfied and unsure of yourself. This disconnect from your true identity can leave you feeling like you don’t know who you really are. Therapy helps you explore who you are beneath the people-pleasing tendencies, address the root cause of your behaviour, and guide you toward living a more authentic life.
9. Recurring Relationship Issues
People-pleasers often find themselves in unbalanced or even toxic relationships because they prioritise others' needs over their own. If you notice you always seem to go for people who aren’t good for you, or if you recognise patterns of unhealthy relationships or feel taken advantage of, therapy can help you break these cycles and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
10. Physical Symptoms
It’s easy to forget just how connected the body and mind are. Stress and suppressed feelings often manifest physically. If you’re experiencing unexplained headaches, fatigue, stomach issues, or other stress-related symptoms, this could be your body’s way of telling you that something needs attention emotionally. Therapy can help you make the connection between body and mind and support you in resolving your emotional distress.
When To Consider Therapy
If you resonate with any of these signs, I encourage you to consider therapy. Having been a people-pleaser myself, I know how alien it feels to really focus on your own deep feelings and experiences. But taking the time to explore how you really feel, understanding the root causes of your people-pleasing behaviours, and developing healthier ways to relate to yourself and others is life-changing.
Therapy is such a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Imagine being able to say ‘no’ without feeling anxious or guilty and putting yourself first for once without feeling like a bad person!
