The Pitfalls of People-Pleasing: Why it’s Time to Break Free
Do you notice you're often so preoccupied with how everyone else is doing and what they're thinking that you fail to notice how you are doing?
Do you often feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders because of the pressure of constantly striving to meet the needs of other people and going the ‘extra mile’ for those around you?
Have you noticed you are stuck in a pattern of sacrificing your own time and well-being to avoid upsetting others and don’t know how to say no to people without worrying and feeling guilty?
Please know you are not alone; I have worked with hundreds of people who can relate to this, and I've been there too! I've been caught in the suffocating grip of people-pleasing, and unsurprisingly, it’s a recipe for feeling unsure and dissatisfied with life, unhealthy relationships, burnout, and guilt.
For most of my life, I carried an inflated sense of responsibility for others and found myself trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing.
I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but it was as if my self-worth hinged on my ability to cater to everyone else’s needs and gain their approval.
My friends often joked about how indecisive I was (they even made me a decision-making flow chart once!), and this was because I really struggled to know what I wanted, as it wasn’t something I was used to considering. Usually, the decisions I made and every action I took were driven (consciously and unconsciously) by anxiety and the fear of disappointing someone or letting them down.
My actions were dictated by a fear of being disliked, rejected, or criticised.
In the process, I was unaware of my own needs, likes, and desires, and the person I really was. The unhelpful and negative side effects of people-pleasing took their toll. I became plagued by self-doubt and imposter syndrome. I was going through life feeling unsure of myself and seeking the approval of others by doing what I could to keep those around me happy.
Worst of all, I found myself starting to feel resentful and bitter towards those I was bending over backwards to please.
But then, amidst the constraints of my people-pleasing prison, I had a revelation: living life based on the expectations of others was not only unsustainable but fundamentally detrimental to my well-being. I knew something had to change.
Through my own personal therapy and application of my professional learning, knowledge, and training, I discovered the root cause and motives behind my people-pleasing actions.
I learnt how to break the cycle and explored what I truly wanted out of life beyond the confines of others' expectations.
It wasn't easy, but by practising what I preached:
I embarked on a transformative journey of self-acceptance where I reclaimed my autonomy.
I started to prioritise my own needs without being riddled with guilt.
I gained the courage to set boundaries and say no to things I didn’t want to do!
I embraced my true self unapologetically.
Breaking free from the shackles of people-pleasing is a truly liberating feeling.
I discovered a newfound sense of empowerment, confidence, and fulfilment as I embraced my authentic self and started living life on my own terms.
That's why I'm truly passionate about the transformative power of therapy. It's not just about addressing the symptoms of people-pleasing (a lot of content out there is focused on "just say no" or "just set boundaries"); it's about getting to the root cause and addressing what drives your people-pleasing habits, empowering you to live authentically and unapologetically.
So, if you find yourself trapped in the habitual pattern of people-pleasing, know that there is hope for liberation.
It's time to break free from the cycle of self-sacrifice and reclaim your autonomy. You deserve to live a life that honours your true needs, desires, and identity. And therapy can be the key that unlocks the door to that freedom.
If you want to get started, book a free initial call and find out how I can help.
