Why Do You Feel So Anxious When You’re Around That Person?

Today, l want to write about something that resonated strongly when I mentioned it on Instagram stories: the idea of certain people in your life making you feel particularly anxious.

I asked my followers a question: is there someone in your life who makes you feel anxious? For many, it could be one person or a few who immediately come to mind. Being around them or even thinking about seeing them can bring on feelings of anxiety, unease, or nervousness.

Sound familiar?

Take a moment to reflect on this.

Who in your life makes you feel particularly anxious?

You might try to rationalise these feelings, telling yourself that you don’t need to be stressed about seeing them, yet the anxiety persists. No matter how much you tell yourself it’s irrational, your bodies seems to disagree.

You might find yourself feeling nervous or on edge, overthinking interactions before or after meeting them, or even feeling like you can’t fully be yourself in their presence.

For some, it might be a friend, a colleague, a family member, or even a partner.

But once you notice who comes to mind, the next question is often, why? Why does this particular person make you feel anxious?

Why Certain People Make You Feel Anxious

The first thing to understand is that it’s not common.

When I posed this question on Instagram, 100% of responses indicated that yes, there was someone in their life who made them feel anxious. So, if you relate, you’re certainly not alone.

The first step is to understand that when you feel this anxiety, your body is sending you a signal. It’s letting you know that something about this person or situation doesn’t feel quite right.

Initially, it might seem like it’s all about them – maybe they come across as intense, overly critical, or just have a way of making you feel ‘off’.

But sometimes, that anxiety can also be about something within you, perhaps even a reminder of something unresolved from the past.

This is where things get interesting: your reactions are not always just about the present moment.

What Are Triggers?

The term trigger is one you might have come across.

A trigger is essentially something in the present that causes a memory or past experience to resurface. Sometimes, this is a conscious memory, one that you can clearly identify. But memories are also stored implicitly in the body, meaning that they’re there even if you aren’t fully aware of them.

Our bodies are wired to protect us, and when something in the present reminds our bodies of a stressful or unpleasant past experience, it can set off an automatic protective response.

So, even though logically you may know that there’s no danger, your nervous system remembers a past experience that wasn’t comfortable, and the body responds with that familiar feeling of anxiety.

Consider an example: you have a colleague or manager who makes you feel uneasy, perhaps like you’re not quite good enough.

Rationally, you might remind yourself that you’ve received positive feedback, that you’re qualified and capable. Yet, when you’re around this person, a feeling of self-doubt creeps in. That might be a sign that this person, or something about the environment, is triggering a memory or sensation from the past where you felt similarly inadequate or judged.

How Do You Identify What’s A Trigger Or Not?

So, how can you start unpacking whether the anxiety is really about the other person or more about a trigger from within you?

The first step, as with so many things, is to increase your awareness.

This can feel frustrating because noticing something doesn’t necessarily mean you can change it right away. But awareness is a powerful foundation to understanding and eventually managing these feelings.

Start by tuning in to what exactly you feel in these moments.

Ask yourself questions like, What am I feeling right now? Are you feeling afraid, embarrassed, or nervous? Pay attention to your physical sensations as well – what is your body doing? Maybe your heart is racing, or you feel a tightness in your chest. Getting specific with these sensations can reveal a lot about what might be triggering the reaction.

Then, if you can, close your eyes and ask yourself, What might my body be remembering right now? This may sound odd, but give it a try.

Notice anything that comes to mind, even if it doesn’t seem relevant at first. Perhaps this person unconsciously reminds you of someone from your past who also made you feel anxious or uncertain.

Making Connections Between Past and Present

Maybe you realise that the anxious feelings you get around a certain person remind you of a teacher who used to give you negative feedback.

Or perhaps walking into a social event brings back memories of feeling left out in school.

These associations may not always be obvious, but once you start making connections, it can shed light on why certain people or situations bring up anxious feelings.

Once you identify the connections between past and present, it becomes easier to manage your reactions. It gives you clarity and a sense of control over these emotions, rather than feeling completely at their mercy.

When Anxiety is a Reasonable Response

It’s essential to mention that sometimes our anxiety around people is entirely justified based on the current context. Some people genuinely do bring a negative or uncomfortable energy into our lives. If that’s the case, then your body is sending a very valid signal that something needs to change.

Sometimes, it’s a bit of both – the current person or environment is triggering a legitimate response in the present and touching on unresolved experiences from the past.

Moving Forward with Curiosity

To sum up, the next time you feel that familiar anxiety around a specific person, take a moment to pause and tune in to what’s happening internally. Notice who you feel anxious around, and ask yourself why. Remember, your body may be holding onto memories from the past, responding to them in the present.

By unpacking these responses and understanding where they come from, you gain a valuable tool for managing your reactions.

Not only does it empower you to understand your own triggers, but it can also offer you insight and compassion toward yourself as you navigate the complexities of relationships and anxiety.

And the more we understand our own responses, the better equipped we are to set boundaries, find ease in challenging situations, and truly step into our authentic selves.

And if you want to address your triggers and anxiety feel free to book in for a free intiial chat